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《分裂的对话》
彼此赤裸面对面 双目交叉
目睹我身上的疤 你尴尬吗
见证我泪珠滑落 心内疚吗
面对被你折磨的我如何闪躲
那天的恨是否还存在
折腾我后的你疲累吗
拥抱那颗疲惫的躯壳
流出的泪该怎么掩饰
没有谁没爱过
没有谁没伤过
没有谁没恨过
没有谁没痛过
最后那一吻温柔却尖锐
割破那颗铁打的心
拒绝你瞳孔闪烁的同情
摈废镜子里的我们
曾经以为你我是异体
各自活在自己的宇宙
如今发现我们的合体
你的伤造就如今的我
那天的恨是否还存在
折腾我后的你疲累吗
拥抱那颗疲惫的躯壳
流出的泪该怎么掩饰
为了你的空虚而孤单
为了你的孤单而寂寞
为了你的寂寞而难过
为了你的难过而崩裂
最后那一吻温柔却尖锐
割破那颗铁打的心
拒绝你瞳孔闪烁的同情
摈废镜子里的我们
曾经以为你我是异体
各自活在自己的宇宙
如今发现我们的合体
你的伤造就如今的我
最终才明白
口中的你是我
分裂的情绪
一个人的对话
《19天的折磨》
没想过我会有泪水
储蓄已久的回忆
在一瞬间被你捏碎
逃避也是一种勇气
没有人规定面对才是坚强
懦弱不是我的专长
泪水却是我唯一的筹码
痴狂的等待
疯狂的欲望
爆狂的恋爱
剥开所有伤口
撕烂一切回忆
嘲笑我眼角的变化
着疤痕是你的杰作
环绕在崩溃的边缘
我安静的呐喊
内心的无奈
Do you ever have this weird feeling. Is like as if you're worrying about something, but yet you don't know what are you worrying about. That's exactly that feeling I'm having now. It did not only happen today but it was since the day that Miss Ang found out about her 'portrait'.
It was because of that feeling that make me think that Miss Ang will find out the truth about the fake picture. That's why I decided to tell her the truth. I thought by doing that will make that weird and stupid feeling go away. But it didn't. Gosh... Just what the hell on Earth am I worrying about? Can someone like just tell me...
Few days ago, I was talking to Denise on the phone telling her about this weird feeling. And guess what was her reply... 'Huh?! You also ar? Me too eh...' At that the moment I was like thinking is it because someone is cursing us?
Anyway, after a long conversation with Denise, I think I'm worrying about tomorrow's audition. Cause up to now, I've not decided on the song I'm gonna sing tomorrow. Think I'm going back to my old style again. Deciding on the song tomorrow on the spot depending on my mood. Haha. I'm thinking of singing 勇气 or 爱无力. Well, everything shall be decided tomorrow according to my mood.
Just reflecting on what happen on Thursday. After the 'most evil' punishment. Haha. Well, Miss Ang was telling me that she'll think of a very evil punishment after I 'confessed' to her about the drawing. Guess what did she mean by the evil punishment? It wasn't evil at all to me... It was just to stay back and help her stamp the books. By right, to Denise and I, it was actually a type of luxury. Haha.
Anyway, after the 'evil' punishment, Jason, Denise and I went to MacDonald's for our lunch. Can you imagine? Eating lunch at like around 3.45pm? Actually we wanted to ask Daren to come along so that Jason wasn't the only boy you see, but he say he don't want. Anyway, when we reach there, Denise and I ordered some food while Jason just sit there and chat with us. He said that he did eat before serving the punishment . Haha.
During that short chat, I've finally understand the sudden change in Jason and why he 'hated' his parents that much. If you did notice, Jason has became more attentive, less rude to teachers, does not speak rubish that often and hands in most of his homework on time. Initially I thought it was because he had became more mature. But the fact is that he wants to get better results so that he can buy the Nintendo wii.
Can you imagine how much is he dying to get the Nintendo wii? He told Denise and I his birthday present from his parents last year was the PERMISSION to buy the PSP. He got the permission and he had to use his own money to buy! And his parents call it his BIRTHDAY present. Gosh! I was shock when he told us k... Birthday present is just a damn permission? My parents has never done that to me... At least this can confirm one thing, my mama is not the worst mama.
The next thing he told us was that he had saved enough money to buy the Nintendo wii but his parents don't allow him to buy. They told him if he get good results, then they just will allow him to buy. But that's not confirm...
What exactly their 'prefect' result? What do parents mean by 'good' results? How good is their good? Is like if you get 1st in class but your results is 70 plus, They will say '1st so what? all 70 plus only... your class must be all the lousy people one la...' Then If you get 80... Then they will say 'Why you don't get A star?' And when you get a A star, they will say 'Why you don't get full marks? All the careless mistakes!' When you get all full marks, they will say 'Ai Ya... you lucky only la... Is it the whole class also get full marks?'
Is like no matter how hard you try to please your parents, it is just impossible. Just like me. I remember in primary 2, I got 3rd in the 1st half of the year and mama said 'your results also not good enough... your class must be all lousy one la...' So during end of the year, I studied very hard and I came in 5th. But still with the same result. It means the class improve and I remain the same. Haha.
Last year, I try to please mama again. So I studies very hard for one of the mathematics class test. And I got full marks. But you guess what did mama said. She say ' Ai ya... must be lucky one la... the paper very easy mah... must be whole class get full marks also la...' When the truth is that in the whole class, only 2 people scored full marks. I think it was Jim Soo and I. See what I mean? No matter how hard we try, our parents expectations are just too higher.
The harder we try, the higher their expectations will be. So what's perfect to them? It just seemed that they just refuses to accept the fact that we are clever. Some times the fact is just right in front of you, is just whether you're willing to accept it or not. But I still believe there are some thing that we won't wish to know. But the shit thing is that what we don't wish to know, we will still find out eventually. Haiz...
Think it's time for me to post something about the new school year and the new teachers. Well, all the teachers remain the same except for our Mathematics teacher. Our Mathematics teacher used to be Mr. Lam. But now it's changed to Mr Hong. When I found out our new Mathematics teacher is a guy, I was like thinking 'Are we fated to have a male teacher as our mathematics teacher forever?'
It does make sense right? Anyway, Mr Hong share the same similarity as me. We both wear braces. Haha. That's lame I know. He's kind of a weird teacher who stops in between lessons just to tell us about his braces and all his personal things... At first when Miss Ang told us that we will learn to appreciate Mr. Lam one day, I though Mr. Hong is gonna be a very fierce teacher but up to now, I still don't find him fierce at all.
Anyway, a few days ago, a jumping spider appeared on my table. Then for that very moment, I went... 'AHHhhhh...' Then the whole class was like wondering what happen. Then Riyaas started laughing, so did Daren. Then Mr. Hong was asking what happen and Riyaas told him that there was a spider on my desk and I was still screaming. After a while, I stopped and move away from the desk as the spider was still there.
In between the lesson, Mr. Hong stop and gave us a break. During the break, he came to my table and asked me where was that spider so I told him still on my desk. So he took out all my books from under my desk to check if the spider was there. But it wasn't, so he say 'don't have what.' Then he continue with his lesson. The within a minute, I started screaming again. The spider was at the side of my desk. So he was asking where is it and I told him.
Some how, I don't know if Mr. Hong was blind or not, he can't see the spider. By then, Daren saw it and it jump down on the floor. So he told Mr. Hong that the spider was on the floor. So Mr. hong tried to catch the spider with his hands but too bad, he failed. So he took a paper and catch the spider and threw it our of the window. As in he threw the spider out of the window. Not the paper.
At that moment, I was like 'Aren't you afraid at all? Jumping spider eh...' So I was thinking if ever I see a spider again, I can call him for help. Good idea ar? Haha. Just Kidding. Anyway, the reason I'm so afraid of spider was because last time, a spider jump on to my face when I was walking under my block. Gosh! The feeling was damn disgusting. Can you imagine a freaking spider crawling on your face? Isn't that very yucky?!
Anyway, The following day, Mr. Hong stop in between the lesson and told the class,'Now every time I look at Venus I'll smile at her.' Then the whole class was thinking side way. I was like 'Isn't him a married man?! Don't you people have brains?' And he had a hard time explaining to the class. Think he phrase the sentence wrongly. Just like Miss Ang when Brandon kept complaining to her 'Miss Ang no hole!' He was meaning that Miss Ang did not punch hole on the paper for us to file in. So Miss Ang got so fed up and she said some thing like,'Ya! I know Miss Ang no hole!'
The whole class went laughing so horribly when she said that. The lesson is that we should think twice before we speak, don't phrase the sentence wrongly and make people misunderstand the meaning.
Anyway, on that same day after school, while Denise and I walk pass Miss Tan, I was smiling at her. Then our short conversation began
Miss Tan: Why every time I walk pass you, you always smile one huh? Do you always smile at every teacher you see?'
Miss Tan: Even If I put you in front of Miss Gopal and Miss Chua you will also smile
Me: Of course.
What's wrong with smiling? Does it kill the person you're smiling to? No right? So of course I'll smile what. Anyway the school wants us to be more cheerful... Then we wave goodbye to her and walk away. On the way out of school, I was thinking 'Do I really smile to every teacher? No right? I don't remember smiling to Mrs Toh the D&T teacher.' Seriously speaking, I hate her. She's like so... ya... you know? Don't know ar? Never mind lor... You're not required to know anyway.
Have recently change the song to 勇气 (courage). Think I should be singing this song for the audition but the 光良 version. This song do mean a lot. It was the courage that made me being able to tell the truth to Miss Ang that we lied to her. Courage is something that takes time to build up in someone. Hopefully this song can help me get into the final. Time to go to bed... BYE!
Lots of things to post and yet don't know where to begin. Anyway, there's something 89757 think she should have told Miss Ang long time ago, but if she tell, then wouldn't Daren be in a deep trouble? Never mind, 89757 guess she shall take the risk to tell on her blog since then situation have come to this stage.
Earlier this week, Daren drew a picture on Miss Ang. which look kind of insulting. Denise and I decided to show it to Miss Candy Tan (Whatever her name is, who ask her to 'betray us'?) and made her guess who was that. So Denise told her that person in the picture wearing a pair of ear-ring that day, by right Miss Ang wears a pair of ear-ring everyday. Then Denise said she paint her toe nails. And it was... pearl colour on that day... I think if I didn't remember wrongly. But Miss Tan can't figure it out, instead she made us carry her stuff for her to the staff room.
On the way there, we saw Miss Ang and some teachers going to lunch I think. Then Denise and I started to laugh. Because of “说曹操,曹操到。”“说Miss Ang,Miss Ang 到。”Ya.. I know is lame. But Denise and I always laugh at lame stuff you see. So... ya... Then we told Miss Tan,' That person just walk pass you.' believing that she won't let the cat out of the bag. Then I think she understand what we meant. So she kept asking who was the one who draw it.
So we told her cannot tell, cause we will be kind of betraying our friend if we say. Then she kept asking and asking. And finally she said,' K... you all tell me who drew the picture, I PROMISE WON'T tell Miss Ang.' Highlight! PROMISE! Then we were asking... so what we tell her. So she said she will punish that person. But we still refuse to tell her, so she said,' You see ar... If you tell me, then only that person will get the scolding, but if you don't tell me then I'll tell Miss Ang about the picture then the whole class will get it from her.'
So Denise and I was like 'huh...' So yesterday, I asked her,' Miss Tan, you still want to know who drew the picture?' Then she gave me that type of very excited look and kept nodding her head. So I told her that I'll tell her after school but she must remind me. but she didn't.
Instead, she told Miss Ang about the picture today when she met her! Then what was her promise about? Miss Ang use to say students always make empty promises, then what about teachers? Don't they make empty promises too? To think that Miss Tan is so trust able. Guess that was only our childish thinking.
Anyway, those above were pass. The following is the key thing that 89757 wish to be honest to Miss Ang. When we found out that Miss Ang knew about the drawing today, we took out the drawing and erase it and drew a new picture, which was completely different from the original drawing. So, ya... the picture Miss Ang saw today was totally different from the picture that Miss Tan saw. But If Miss Ang really want the 'original' picture, I can send it to her, I took a picture of it the other day at home with my hand phone. The 'original' picture was a fat woman with small eyes, fat hairy hands and 10 monster fingers.
Ya, It really look very horrible, so we re-draw it until it became a slim woman with long hair, smooth skin and a smiley face. It look totally different/opposite can...
Phew, now I feel so relax telling the truth. The feeling is just like putting a heavy load off from my body. Now the black cloud above my head is finally gone! Seriously, I don't know am I doing the right thing by telling this truth on my blog or not. Cause if Miss Ang really did read this post, then Daren might be in trouble but If I didn't make this post, I'll be telling a lie. I don't remember robots telling a lie. Just kidding. But am I really doing the right thing?
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Enough of that. Lets talk about the upcoming Chinese singing competition. Honestly, up to now, I still don't know what song I'm going to sing! The audition is like in 6 days time and yet I've not thought of a song. Oh... Don't worry, I'm not going to sing any JJ's song. His songs are like just too challenging.
Actually I was thinking about playing the piano and singing myself. But the only song I've kind of master the piano piece is 童话 and that song is like so old fashion now. But wouldn't be cool if I can play the piano and sing on my own? Then that shall be a 自弹自唱 competition then. Haha.
I now like kind of desperate to get 1st cause Mr Shen Jian say he will give me treat if I get 1st. Then my maid say she will treat me Pizza if I get 1st. Had not made a bet with mama and papa. Haha. Anyway, I don't think mama and papa know I'm going for that competition. Haha. Weird right? My maid knows and yet my papa mama don't know about it. Papa can be excuse cause he is in overseas, but mama?
We are like living in the same house but I don't talk to her about school. But she will forever be nagging at me asking me to bath, to do my homework. I ever tried to make her stop nagging by trying to complete all my homework and bath before she comes home. But I failed. I think that would be quite impossible. Cause every time I do finish my school homework, she will ask me to do my tuition homework given by my brother.
Yup! That's right! My brother is my private tutor. Honestly, I don't like him to tutor me. He will scold me stupid and all that if he explain things and I don't get it. I'm like 'Huh? Got such teacher like that one meh? Scold students stupid...' Maybe I'm really stupid cause I tend to forget things very easily and do careless mistakes. And I'll forget the maths formula or rather mix them up.
I'm really kind of blur at times especially when I just wake up in the morning and have tuition. I'll be like a blur sotong sitting there listening to my brother teaching/nagging. Then is like one ear in, one ear out. Haha. So I'll keep on 'huh?' Then he will get fed up and scold me stupid. Am I really that stupid? Never mind, who knows anyway. As long as I think I'm not, I doesn't matter what others think of me.
Think I shall stop here. It's getting late. Night!
I've recently change the background music to this song call 迷宫. I 1st knew this song when I watch 爱情魔法师 (The magicians of love). And that was the show that made me realise how cool 183 Club was. Haha. Yeah... New idol. But me real idol is still JJ la. Haha. Not really that crazy over 183 Club yet. Only like their acting. Haha.
Reflecting on how I spend my school holidays, the only thing that I remember is Holiday Assignment! It was really a torture completing the homework's'. The very 1st homework I completed was Chinese, cause it was the easiest. Only copy and copy the idioms. Isn't it simple? But one thing, up till now, I don't know what was I copying, cause I was listening to Yes 933 and smsing with Denise & Janice. Haha.
The next homework I completed was Maths (If I didn't remember wrongly). A hundred over questions k! What a torture was that! After completing, I pass the hold stack of maths assignment to Denise for her own reference. Haha. She asked for it anyway, but I don't think she will copy. She isn't the type who will copy people's answer. Unless she really don't know then she will ask then only if she understand then she will 'copy' the answer. :)
After maths, I did the Science project. Followed by Geography and lastly, English. Haha. This is the 1st time that I completed English last. Maybe is because of my terrible mood swing. Haha. Every time when I was deciding on which homework should I do, I'll throw the English homework aside. Then my maid will ask me is it because of Miss Ang? Haha. Seriously, I also don't know the answer. Maybe is because the worksheet was given by her... Haha.
Enough of all the homework stuff since I've done them. I was playing with Janice twin sister a minute ago. Let me share with you 2 of their pictures that I've just taken.
This is a picture of the both of them sitting together and doing the same action that I've just taught them. Haha. Aren't they cute? Can you guess who is the elder and younger one? Never mind, I shall not kill your brain cells any more. The one on the left is the younger sister while the one on the right is the elder sister. Have you guess them correctly?
This is the picture of only one of them. Can you guess is she the elder or younger sister? Give up? This is the picture of the elder sister. Didn't take the younger sister cause she was still busy eating her biscuit. Haha.
This shall be the end of my post for 2007. Happy New Year And Best Wishes for the up coming year (2008)! The Unforgettable Memories Of Venus Lee Yan shall be forever be kept in this 'secret diary'. BYE!!!